I just saw a nonsensical post advising people to create a list of “distracting” things to do when they want to binge.
Like: Go for a walk. Read a book. Listen to some music.
The problem is that distracting yourself will not resolve the problem.
Side note: this post is assuming that you’re NOT biologically hungry. That you’ve had enough to eat and are well-fed. If that’s not the case, stop right here, and get your behind in the kitchen (or any place w/ food) and grab some grub!
As I was saying…
There’s nothing wrong with these, per se; it’s the intention behind them (to distract) that makes them useless. They attempt to numb the feelings you’re having.
Let’s change focus and pretend it’s not there. That’s precisely what’s happening and we don’t want that.
I’m not sure about you, but in my experience, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away. Believe me, I tried many times.
When you suppress or repress a feeling, all you’re doing is shoving it down and not dealing with it. It will, sooner or later, resurface.
The solution is not tirelessly battling either. You’ll just create more of it.
The secret here is to stop for a moment, acknowledge the urge to binge, and sit with it for a little bit. Do not fight it. Don’t resist it. Don’t try to make it go away. Don’t pretend it’s not there. Simply notice it, as you would the clouds in the sky.
This is also called mindfulness. Being aware of the moment, and feelings without getting attached to any of it.
Let me paint a picture…
Imagine you’re at a restaurant with a friend having a fun conversation when ‘Help’ by The Beatles comes on in the background. Right there you recognize it and go like “Oh! I love this song”. You might even sing along for like a second, but you naturally stop singing and carry on with the conversation. Next thing you know, you can’t even remember there’s music playing to begin with.
(In the above scenario you’re noticing the song, acknowledging it, and letting it go)
Or this can happen…
The song starts playing, and you won’t stop following along in your mind. You can’t hear your friend anymore because all you can think of is “Help! I need somebody!”. Now you’re acutely aware of every second that goes by and the song is still playing. You’re beginning to feel anxious because you missed what your friend said and you don’t know how to circle back. This stupid song never ends!
(In this scenario you keep feeding the thought by battling the song in your mind. The song = the urge to binge)
Or you decide that you’re NOT gonna let that song interfere with your conversation. So, you excuse yourself and leave the restaurant for a moment, until you can be sure that the music is over. You have a cigarette, send a quick text and now you’re ready to go back. Guess what? The song is over! Y-A-Y! But now ‘Patience’ by Guns N’ Roses is on, and you’re again irritated because you can’t freaking hold a conversation.
(In this scenario you distracted your mind for a moment. You focused on something else hoping the initial obsession with the music would disappear and you’d completely forget about it)
It didn’t go away (for good) and you most definitely did not forget it.
Hopefully this simplifies the concept of acknowledging, feeling it and letting it go.
When you stop numbing out the feelings – meaning you start to notice it, call it as it is and don’t hold on to it – you’ll see the feeling and/or thought goes away much quicker. And in time, it loses its strength.
When you fight it or pretend it is not there, it becomes bigger than it actually is.
It leaves you emotionally drained and wondering why you continue having the same urge over and over again, as if there were something wrong with you.
There isn’t. The urge to eat is normal. Make peace with the fact that it will resurface.
You’re just giving too much power to it and that can be fixed.
You might be thinking “she can’t possibly mean someone will do this one time and get rid of the problem”.
You’re kidding me!? Of course I don’t. This is a fairly simple process but like with anything in life, it requires CONSISTENCY.
And the way to develop the consistency is to train yourself over time to NOTICE and sit with things instead of REACTING to them.
Remember: the goal here is not to pretend it’s not there or to make it go away, but to learn to be comfortable in the discomfort. As I said it, it loses strength with time.
When I work with clients on this, I accompany them through this process of re-training themselves and getting more into the habit of mindfulness.
We use journaling practices, weekly calls, and written check-ins between the calls – all aimed at helping you to change your habits in this area.
Given what a big transformation this is for someone who’s struggled with feeling out of control with food, I charge a healthy low four-figure fee for this.
This is a 1:1 coaching program where we meet for 8 weeks for 50 minutes each session.
In addition to helping you stop eating uncontrollably, we also identify the situations in your life that trigger this urge for you and reframe the black and white mentality around food that helps shift how you view and use food.
Shoot me an email if you’re interested and we can chat and find out if it’s a good fit. If so, we can start right away.
Talk soon!
